Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
haha...all so true!
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-That's enough, Nickelback.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey
- but I'd bet my *** everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-That's enough, Nickelback.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey
- but I'd bet my *** everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Randomness
First off...
Valentines Day. Done.
Dog sitting. So yes I've been dog sitting my neighbors pup for 5 days now. I de-cluttered my room the other day/night (excuse me a section of my room, my room is not messy, nor is there clutter thank you), so during this time I had shit everywhere. Gaby, (my dog, yes technically I'm step-mom) decides to help by shredding random crap to the next room. Baby gate goes up. So 3 hrs later after my small clutter project/starbucks break, which I feel sooooooooooo much better about, I let her back in. She jumps on my bed and stares at me for the remainder of the night. Opps, sorry while I was de-stressing my life I forgot to take you for a walk. So I get the stare down the rest of the night. If I make eye contact it's over, her tail goes 90mph and she thinks yep w.a.l.k. And you can't even spell that word around her because she's just that smart. So she stares, gives up, hunts for anything and everything she can find to destroy in the house and my room. Lovely. I love animals! :D
Diet Coke. Yep, still craving the liquid cancer but haven't had a sip since Dec. 31st. Fridge is full of it too, such a tease!!! I'd be lying if I said I've been cutting back on the starbucks, but that is not happening. At least my coffee doesnt contain the high fructose corn syrup that will kill you. Really, you should stop drinking soda right now!
The Bachelor. Ok, so I'm pretty sure Jason is a bad kisser. Maybe he's just awkward? I actaully think he's extremely awkward in many ways. His body language, his facial expressions, and the whole kissing scenes. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, 50 cameras up in his grill and 5689734753985 people watching. But I dont know. I'm losing faith in him. I picked Jillian as his future wife but he let her go. Boo. I swear I heard him say Melissa reminded him of an ex gf and his ex wife. Really, why would you want to go down that path again? Molly is just eh. :D
To me now, Jason is just eh.
Preschool. Ohhhhhhhhh children. Thanks for wiping your snot on me, coughing in my face, making me wipe your nose because you are unable to by yourself. And if you are, you completely miss and then it's just a bigger mess than we all really wanted around us. Most of all though, thanks for not passing the nasty flu on to me like you did to all my other 15 co workers! :D I appreciate it...so sorry you had to deal with that Mrs. F!!! ;p Pray for me if I do get it...and I'm knocking on wood right now.
Till next time...Cheers!
XOXO
Valentines Day. Done.
Dog sitting. So yes I've been dog sitting my neighbors pup for 5 days now. I de-cluttered my room the other day/night (excuse me a section of my room, my room is not messy, nor is there clutter thank you), so during this time I had shit everywhere. Gaby, (my dog, yes technically I'm step-mom) decides to help by shredding random crap to the next room. Baby gate goes up. So 3 hrs later after my small clutter project/starbucks break, which I feel sooooooooooo much better about, I let her back in. She jumps on my bed and stares at me for the remainder of the night. Opps, sorry while I was de-stressing my life I forgot to take you for a walk. So I get the stare down the rest of the night. If I make eye contact it's over, her tail goes 90mph and she thinks yep w.a.l.k. And you can't even spell that word around her because she's just that smart. So she stares, gives up, hunts for anything and everything she can find to destroy in the house and my room. Lovely. I love animals! :D
Diet Coke. Yep, still craving the liquid cancer but haven't had a sip since Dec. 31st. Fridge is full of it too, such a tease!!! I'd be lying if I said I've been cutting back on the starbucks, but that is not happening. At least my coffee doesnt contain the high fructose corn syrup that will kill you. Really, you should stop drinking soda right now!
The Bachelor. Ok, so I'm pretty sure Jason is a bad kisser. Maybe he's just awkward? I actaully think he's extremely awkward in many ways. His body language, his facial expressions, and the whole kissing scenes. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, 50 cameras up in his grill and 5689734753985 people watching. But I dont know. I'm losing faith in him. I picked Jillian as his future wife but he let her go. Boo. I swear I heard him say Melissa reminded him of an ex gf and his ex wife. Really, why would you want to go down that path again? Molly is just eh. :D
To me now, Jason is just eh.
Preschool. Ohhhhhhhhh children. Thanks for wiping your snot on me, coughing in my face, making me wipe your nose because you are unable to by yourself. And if you are, you completely miss and then it's just a bigger mess than we all really wanted around us. Most of all though, thanks for not passing the nasty flu on to me like you did to all my other 15 co workers! :D I appreciate it...so sorry you had to deal with that Mrs. F!!! ;p Pray for me if I do get it...and I'm knocking on wood right now.
Till next time...Cheers!
XOXO
Sunday, February 8, 2009
h a p p y b i r t h d a y
Fun @ Mister Tiki's with the girls!
Dude get out of our photo!
Much better. :D
The weatherman actually got the weather right this weekend!
Uh-Oh, things are getting a lil hazy...
Rockin the heels in the rain. (uh to be a girl sometimes...)
They wish they had moves like you and I. :D
Babycakes in Hillcrest for dessert! Yuuuuuummmm...
Next up...Shannon's Birthday!!!! :D
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Two whiney kids + no alcohol = no fun
What a special night! So I'm at a "friends" house taking care of a 3 yr old and a 22mnth old. Wow. If only I would've known what I was getting myself into...Seriously. I've been up since 6:30am and the last thing I wanted to deal with tonight was a child who refused to go to sleep. Child #1 was pissed the way I put her diaper on...jumped into bed crying without pj's and fell asleep. Fine be that way. :) Child #2 apparently controls the bedtime routine. Ohhhhhhh who does he think I am??? haha. When it is bedtime...It. Is. Bedtime! Cry and scream all you want love...it worked...acouple hours later out like a light. Now where is the alcohol???? You went to get drunk downtown and you left me here with nothing???? Some parents they are...........thanks for having a drink or two for me tonight Shan! :P I'll show you the text you sent me on Monday...haha.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Nothing to blog about...
Seriously nothing to write about...but I am soooo tired of seeing the sad depressed charger pic up, so I'm going to write something!
1. TGIF!
2. Sleeping over at Shannons tomorrow night!!! Woohoo!!!
3. Getting up at the crack of dawn on Saturday for Teacher Workshop. Blah.
4. Starbucks before anything on Saturday.
5. MJ coming to SD for superbowl sunday! Yeah!!!
6. Suppose to root for the team that beat you??? Me root for the Steelers??? Pssssh....
7. 26 in 7 days. Woohoo!
8. Valentines Day. Just kill me now. :p
9. Soda free since Jan. 1st. Amazing feeling!
10. Need to work out harder with Shannon, nothing hurts!!! But the jeans do fit better... :D.
Happy Superbowl Weekend...time to eat and drink.
1. TGIF!
2. Sleeping over at Shannons tomorrow night!!! Woohoo!!!
3. Getting up at the crack of dawn on Saturday for Teacher Workshop. Blah.
4. Starbucks before anything on Saturday.
5. MJ coming to SD for superbowl sunday! Yeah!!!
6. Suppose to root for the team that beat you??? Me root for the Steelers??? Pssssh....
7. 26 in 7 days. Woohoo!
8. Valentines Day. Just kill me now. :p
9. Soda free since Jan. 1st. Amazing feeling!
10. Need to work out harder with Shannon, nothing hurts!!! But the jeans do fit better... :D.
Happy Superbowl Weekend...time to eat and drink.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Depressed
I'd be lying if I told you everything is just fabulous here in sunny 100* winter in San Diego. I am depressed. Just thinking of waiting 6 months for football and having to put up with 350+ pathetic Padre games puts me in the dumps. Now we have the enjoyment of listening to nonstop off season drama from the sucky san diego sports writers. Oh joy. Can't wait. Beating the Broncos and the Colts there at the end was right up there with my top Charger memories. I'm glad we were able to get to Peyton again in the playoffs. He's gotta love us. That game was amazing. Love that team. We'll be back.
...Lights Out!
Go Ravens!
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